Giving Your Spouse Your Undivided Attention……
Before I open up to you guys about how marriage is for us, and what are some things we do to keep things wild and manageable. This is my story and how we have handled the ups and downs. The coming into each other’s lives, and raising each other’s boys. This story can’t be written with all the glitter and glam, but has to be told from the most honest stand point. I can use this platform to hopefully help, and enlighten someone else. Jerral has been the best thing that has happened to my life, and he has restored my faith in men.
Relationships can break you down, create insecurities that you may never have had. I can’t trump the fact the even he came to the marriage with things he needed from me. You see as women at times it’s not all about “US”. My husband has told me time and time again that men aren’t built to be emotional. It takes such a toll on them to be emotional. Knowing that we were going to be trying this marriage the 2nd time around. This brought about so much “JOY”, but “FEAR” crept in when we allowed it too! We have learned so much every step of the way, but we have had our fair share of mistakes too! :/
Being Defensive Doesn’t Help Us Before The Communication Even Starts…..
Communicating wasn’t the most difficult thing for me. It just didn’t come out the best way when it had to happen. Make sure that if you are open to listen, don’t always listen to “REPLY”, but to understand. I feel as women at times we listen to reply, and everything else isn’t necessarily heard. I didn’t give Jerral the proper platform to speak, and that doesn’t create the most ideal conversation for him to speak. Also, your wounds shouldn’t be compared they aren’t greater than the other’s. Make your conversations intentional, and work towards a better solution.
Jerral and I didn’t create this cosmic communication overnight, it took a lot of work. We learned a lot about our role’s, expectations with each other’s children, and also pushing past old pain that needed to be dealt with. If your willing to work at the good of the marriage, don’t hold back something that could be detrimental later. Come to your conversations with all your hidden fears. It leaves no stones un-turned, and both of us can be better spouses for it. We both deserve a good marriage, and putting for the effort only makes it great. In this post I talked about 5 Ways That Has Made Us Stronger HERE..
If It Is In The Past Let It Be Just That The Past………..
I am BIG at fault for holding onto the fact that a time ago someone hurt the hell out of me. That I didn’t live up to someone else’s expectation, or wasn’t they’re everything. (GIRL BYE)!!!! I am uniquely made, and maybe I wasn’t made for that individual. Maybe that was a stepping stone, or even something I needed to learn from that relationship. Let the past be just that the past, and don’t let it creep in just because. The best thing that I could have gotten from my first marriage was my two boys.
One of my boys taught me a deep lesson, and for that I am forever grateful. Your walk is not your friend’s walk, or anybody else’s for that matter. If any woman had to leave a marriage whether it appeared great, or was terrible underneath. Let it be just that a journey, or a destination to what is to come. My ex husband powered me up like a (Power Ranger), it gave me more strength for what I needed that was up ahead. Your testimony will be just that, used to empower someone else that needs to hear it! My son was born very ill, and that was our mission. You can read about his story HERE. Stop letting your past dictate your future, and live your life to the fullest.
Jerral and I carried around a lot of luggage from hurtful relationships. Over time we have developed the art to letting that shit go! We have taken this communication to a new level, and it can’t be a apart of us anymore.
Being a Stepmother and Stepfather……..
This part still has work to be done, but you know we do just that work at it. If you want to be there you will make sure the wheels of the cog all flow together. One thing that we knew is we had to trust who we were loving, and each other’s assets too. The boys came together easily, but there were a ton of barriers that had to be broken such as…
- your not my mom, I only have one mom………………
- I only have one dad……………..
- you can’t tell me what to do……………….
- don’t spank my kids……………
- your playing favoritism…………………
- you took up for your child…………………..
- you only are happy when your kids come over……………………
- you only are ooey gooey with your kids……………..
- comparing kids………………….
This list can go on and on. It can go on to the reason why “TODAY” they call both of these parents momma, and daddy without hesitation. These roads have been traveled and I could write a whole different post on just this alone! 🙂 If we weren’t clear, and didn’t set the boundaries, our kids were lost. Once we knew that there was enough love to go around, and we set the “TONE” for our home everybody had to get on board. The kids had to understand that even they didn’t dictate our relationship efforts. Even the exes had to stop using their own children to see how much we cared… (REALLY)!! Jerral and I formed our alliance, and it couldn’t be broken.
Marriage is a Journey, NOT a destination, it should be lifelong.. Destinations are when we figure out problems, and then
you have arrived. Always figure it out together though, nothing should be done alone! (TRUST YOUR PARTNER IN